Tuesday, 14 October 2014

FREEDOM


I yearn for him.

In the tiny paddock, I stand still.  I have no choice.  There is a dozen of my herd in here with me and none of us can move and even if we wanted to the desire has left us long ago.

Every once in a while I feel newborn hope spring inside me.  I look up at Storm Castle and I swear I see his shadow.  Yesterday, my faith was rewarded when he looked his head out of the window and for a second he looked down at me.  I thought he saw me, I felt his emotions shuddering inside him.  Scared to leave his self-imposed prison.  Scared to trust in what he can’t hold.  When I realised my heart leapt.  Then he withdrew back into castle I have been left to wait again.  My heart aches.  My faith so resolute, so strong wavers on a knife-edge.

When I gave myself to him as a foal he understood, he knew the implicit trust I placed in him when I took that first step towards him and he smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners as he beckoned me towards him and I snorted in response as I accepted our secret.  We were bonded.  Communicating but not communicating.  He understood when I took that first hesitant step that I did it in trust, in faith and in love.  There is no greater gift.

The bonds between an animal and human are special.  As a specie, we connect on a soul level.  We know instinctively who we can trust, who could hurt us and who we can give our hearts too.   Now waiting once more, I am forever grateful I have my herd.  As a foal I was left tied up in a field.  When you are alone with no companion seconds turn into days and the loneliness becomes such a physical ache you wonder if you will ever be parted from it.  Then he came and saved me and from that moment I loved him for it.   

I don’t know what happened.  When he said goodbye on that day I didn’t realise it was forever and every second since then I have ached for him.  Sometimes I feel angry.  Why won’t he fight for me?  Why won’t he fight for us?  Then comes the silence and in his hesitation I have my answer. 

It is no coincidence unicorns can’t speak because our hearts speak for us.  Through the shine of our eyes, our excitement when we see you, our desire to stand beside you, even in silence.  Our love once given will never be taken back even if you take yours away.

Then today, I saw him again.  The sheen in his eyes as he looked out into the crowd for me and for one brief teasing second I thought I felt him.  Now, I understand a singular truth.  When you wish you felt nothing, you feel everything. 

So I wait for my loyalty that I gave from my soul, from specie to human to be acknowledged.  I wait for him as my herd waits for me.  I will wait until my heart stops and my hind legs buckle to the ground and as I finally close my eyes I will never regret my choice.

I followed my heart.  

I followed true love.
  

“A loyalty and trust never to wane,

I choose him freely,

Not all men are the same…”

Clover

@clovertkc